Monday, June 22, 2015

Tony Blair for FIFA

Welcome back my friends to the show that never ends, we're so glad you could attend, come inside come inside,

Readers of other guff chucked up by your correspondent will recognise the ELP ruse to get things moving, so here I go again on my own - apologies, that's Whitesnake.

I know it's been a while, but I've been a bit busy, I'm here now and there is much to discuss.

Here follows minutes of this week's meeting:

1. Tony Blair's prospective candidacy for the next Chairman of FIFA, and come on Mr Chilcott, you're being a bit tardy over that enquiry.
I am currently revisiting Adrian Mole and the Weapons of mass destruction to examine the movements of "Call me Tony" during that period, Sir, I urge you to do the same.

2. Wilkinsons - everything that Woolworths forgot to be.

3. Why are Nasser Hussein and Mr Chism from Minder never seen in the same place?

4. Is it in the public interest for government to sell RBS shares, what would Gordon Brown have done? (the gold Gordon, the gold???????????)

5. The Greek flag - blue stripes or red?

Apologies again for this redacted version of matters that have arisen over the past few weeks but as I said earlier, I've been a bit busy.

Plenty to do on the river with grass growing great and the first weed cut of the season just past, plus an unusually high output of offline written guff, including what I am told is a seminal piece on scythes, plus pictures of keeper's with tops on, an appeal for the eel, and some other stuff on riverflies, I have been picked up on the eel thing by a Mr Gator Godwin who invaded the Blue Fin building to pick up Time Inc on their publication which is a little alarming.

They're in The Shooting Times Magazine if you're interested, alongside a page of fortnightly guff on river keeping shenanigans all of which result in small cheques through the post, a significant portion of which is taken by the taxman and the remainder blown on speed - fixed penalty notices at the moment, and Madam and myself are going to Split later this year, hopefully with the minimum of acrimony, We shall sojourn on an isle off the Croation coast a forty minute float from Split, there's no saving here, we're living for pleasure alone - and the taxman.

Back on the river, fishing post mayfly has become quite difficult, the trout always take a feeding sabbatical at this time of year and CDC's Klinkhammers and parachute flies have tempted most fish who require something small presented daintily and delicately.
Recently I have been tickling up the fringe and spent a whole morning periodically peering into the water wondering where all the trout had gone, three hours later I wandered upstream to talk to an angler and many trout were on show. The ability of a Dever Brown Trout to tuck itself away when conditions are not quite to its liking never ceases to amaze, and you could be forgiven for thinking that in such a small stream with gin clear water you would be able to see every fish in the water, but you can't.
It's orchid and comfrey time in the meadow, and the monkey flower and forget me not show in the fringe. The orchids have been a little reluctant to put in an appearance but now nose through the long grass. The comfrey is in mid season form and its understated flowers that range from deep mauve to pale green draw the eye of all manner of buzzy things with wings.

Last week I was invited to eat sandwiches drink beer and fish a stretch of the upper Avon that had not appeared on my radar. It was a super trip on a pretty stretch of river a similar size to the Dever and positively leaking Mayflies, it was quite challenging in parts but I was quite pleased with my bag of four grayling, who despite being out of season were up on the surface and taking mayflies, and three small brown trout. Thanks for the invitation and please can I come again in November as there was some super stretches of trotting water that along with the grayling held some chublets and dace.

At this point could we demand a recount in the voting for the best bird in Britain. Not the 1984 News of the World poll that saw Sam Fox pip Debbie Ashby and Linda Lusardi to a first prize of being photographed mit satin sash, tanga briefs and a wink to infer sauce, but the recent survey to determine what feathered friend should stand as our national representative.

An owl was always going to be in the running, but Robin red breast over the Blackbird is a big call.

It's a Gerrard/Lampard conundrum, but it's blackbird for me every time, a beautiful backing track to life that in a noisy world all too often goes unnoticed. Plus the bonus tracks in autumn when a diet of fermented fruit introduces an experimental period of song.
Ok the Robin comes close, but bugger the goose and pigeon (which may/ may not have been a popular pastime in the middle ages) a Blackbird is more often than not the first thing I hear of a morning, and is Pavarotti to a Robin's rap.

There I said it, I like a bird with wings that can sing.......judge as you will, but I'm with the Beatles on matters regarding the Blackbird.

I shall conclude with the remainder of the minutes as I have been advised by people who know about these things, to be more concise in my guff,


1: Unusable broadband supply via poles and line, this house relies on mobile broadband with a limit of 15GB a month- not enough for four in a house. Who'd a thought broadband supply would be a problem in this crowded corner of England? Third world internet service in the countryside.

2: Local paper - sports pages now compiled somewhere in Dorset, no knowledge of local environs, and it shows. If somebody wants to stump up some funds and provide a factory I'll produce a rival local paper for a town/market that is expanding at an alarming rate

3: The Game Fair - Madam, myself and Otis will be attending on the Friday, if we cross your path and you wish to upbraid me on guff written online or off, feel free, as I said previously there is always much to discuss.

For identification purposes, here's a recent photo we had taken that now hangs proudly above our bed. Look out for us on Friday 31st July at The Game Fair..

Meeting Closed

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