Monday, August 3, 2015
Lord Sewel and and Changing Rooms in La Senza
Now I'm all for each to their own, and if the chairman of a Standard and Ethics committee feels the need to don a scarlet brassiere and leather jacket to snort coke from the decolletage of his houri, and at this point it may be pertinent to examine the influence of Max Moseley and Dominic Strauss Kahn on their contemporaries, although Cynthia Payne did make a mint from the political elite in the sixties and seventies for similar services, so maybe Max and Dom are not to blame.
What the bestockinged Sewel gets up to behind closed doors is his own business, good luck with the mirror in the cold light of dawn, and how long before a motion is passed decreeing that all branches of La Senza must provide both male and female changing rooms, but the tone and subject of his language during his after hours adventures are more of a concern for a man in his parliamentary position than his choice of underwear and the strength of his snuff.
Now I'm no radical, but putting my blue sky, let's throw some ideas up in the air, shoes on, how about this for a solution.
For one week a choice few will be given a medium sized car and a set budget and invited to ride the roads of Northern France, for the second week they will be asked to ride the rails of the same area, throughout this time they will only be allowed to shop in a French supermarket, any money they have left at the end of two weeks they can keep. They will then be invited to repeat the same experiment with the same budget in the south east of England, at the end of the four week period they will be asked where they would now like to claim political asylum, I am confident that two weeks of the UK motorway and rail system may sharpen the mind and empty the pocket a little, and your average Pierre must look at a UK supermarket deli and think " Is that it? at home we have them this wide(sweeps arm with gallic flourish)
News in from the correspondent on my other shoulder:
We have fantastic ferry workers, cheddar cheese, imperious sausage, black pudding, magnificent beef, lamb, venison, pork, we're having a go at wine - and one day who knows? Our potatoes remain unmatched by any nation in the world (Francis Drake knew what he was up to, bar the cigars) and at this point could we examine what has happened to Jersey potatoes in recent times. I don't mean to sound like my Grandma, but Jersey potatoes just don't taste the same as they used to (reaches for slice of half moon and further Craven A)
During our drive back through the 50mph average speed check that stretches across much of Surrey and Hampshire it became apparent what a much trumpeted "smart motorway" actually is.
In an attempt to add a human touch to the extensive roadwork experience, new signs in the shape of smart phone text message speech bubbles were displayed amongst the cones and inert diggers, proclaiming "welcome to our work place" and " Broken Down? we come to you" the thought of someone breaking down, then being attended by someone rushing up first to erect a sign by your stranded vehicle reading " We're Here!" followed by a second one saying " It looks like you've broken down" only to reach in his van to erect a third with the message " I am very sorry, but I do not have my Happy to Help sign" before driving off, did cross our minds, but how about some more appropriate signs such as "Here all Year" or " We've gathered lots of cones and we will use them"
Through the froth, we shall now attend to the river.
Where there is still froth. But that's ok according to a piece in our local paper reassuring a member of our local town society who expressed concern over the colour of the water in the river near the high street. He had highlighted the brown gunk that was slowly smothering the weed and the cloudiness of the water, tests were carried out and according to those charged with protecting the environment everything was ok, and conditions were within the required normal centiles.
There, they said it, brown gunk cloudy water and poor water quality in this chalk river are now considered a normal occurrence in summer.
This shouldn't be the case.
An inch and a half of rain in a day may have spread panic throughout the hermatically sealed radio studios of this land ( I shan't go on, a little more Prodnose please, and much less vanilla) but it freshened up the river and perked up the fish no end with ten fish caught over the weekend, the biggest a senior brown trout of four pound taken off the top in the middle of the morning. A platoon of otters in residence for forty eight hours saw some circumspect fish and a trail of half eaten fish on the bank (grayling, pike, trout and a roach of more than two pounds) but hey that's what Otters do, the UK Fish population can take the hit........... can't it?
There may be a difficult conversation that needs to take place, and at some point somebody needs to be brave enough to start it.
We are also inundated with gulls I read in the paper about a new craze that has kicked off with the youth of today. Gull running is vaunted as the new Nintendo, and involves holding a piece of pasty, chips or a crust of bread on your head and seeing how far you can run along a particular pier or promenade before the offering is taken by a gull. It is a shame it wasn't on the list for the 2012 Olympics, but with a little practice I can see medals in this for the UK.
We are not being mobbed by gulls in this valley, but we now see them and hear them on a daily basis, whereas it used to be only the odd occasion.
I shan't bore you with our return on the highways of these Isles, but it was both prolonged, and harrowing and it is plain that all too often key road links are simply overwhelmed by the number of people using them and they fail to function as they should.
Now if only I knew a big noise in transport strategy circles,
Wait a minute.......
This written rubbish has been brought to you by an internet connection provided by a mobile phone company and not the leading telecommunications provider in these isles,
Which is my pocket money done for this month, but at least I didn't spend it all on sweets Grandma