Spinners, Gammon and a Sedan Chair

With the England team eschewing the chance to herald the disappointment of another early exit from a major international football competition tournament via the medium of song. This house has decided to buck the trend and will herald each chunk of impending disappointment with it's own anthem. Yes that's right, after a three year quest to secure a replacement for the over-rated Nicholas Chiantrelli Trio, our quest is now complete. We have found our new house band.


Ladies and Gentlemen I give you

The Detroit Spinners:



Welcome aboard chaps, I look forward to working with you in the coming months.

Through with the theme tune we shall now attend to the meat of the business and an explanation of my movements throughout the preceding week.

Well it's all gone very green. Grass is remarkably lush and trees have assumed a sheen only present at this time of year. Conker trees are candled up and on bank holiday Monday Madam and myself kicked back in the garden with a glass of grown up Rose (for which we give great thanks) and burnt meat, only to be moved on by a swarm of bees passing through in search of a summer billet. The frost that we experienced during the first week of May doesn't seem to have been too catastrophic with the Wisteria now in full bloom,

Here's one of a specimen of twenty years that we must endure when we open the bedroom curtains in the morning. It came from Cornwall and seems to have settled well here.

The fruit trees are beginning the business of sorting the set fruit from the unset and it is becoming clear which ash trees we will have to target next winter in the drawn out battle to conquer ash die back disease. Fishing has been fair, but two weeks into the season most fish have gained a GCSE or two when it comes to differentiating between a natural fly and an artificial.

A fish of six pounds was returned in the opening week. A large hen fish the like of which we have not seen for a few years. She was in pristine condition and had obviously been in the river for some while. Why she decided to up sticks and pitch up here is anyone's guess, but she seems to be fairly settled now. The mayfly are delaying their entry with only a few seen during the day although there are reports that the mayfly have been about for a week or so on the middle main river.

Attending to the tree that fell across the Mill Stream proved eventful with the whole thing shifting position several times during dissection which added a certain frisson to proceedings.



Today ranunculus flowered in this river in May for the first time in four years.
And at this point can we remind ourselves what ranunculus requires to thrive and of its importance to invertebrate life in the chalk stream environment.

Well, it needs fast flowing water and highly oxygenated at that. An absence of algae and plenty of light are also preferable. I won't put up the photo of the field known across the ages as "Spring Bottom", but take it as read that it continues to be "sans spring". We are not experiencing exceptional discharges for this river, just what was to be expected ten years ago. The last three years have been very dry in these parts and aquifers became seriously depleted. It's just a shame that those charged with protecting the environment, or those who rely on it as a natural resource to generate income (yes, those weasels) didn't seem to notice, or at the very least make much mention of the fact during the past three summers. Donning the "buyer beware" crown of office it is during conditions such as these when the guard is down regarding depleted aquifers that we hear the cough and"ahem" from the corner of the aforementioned weasels and worms and the enquiry sotte voce

" now about all this water that seems to be sloshing around, well we'd like a little more please"

Apologies, I'll break off there.

I've just noticed that the "Alt" button is on the left hand side of the keyboard on my computer.

Will I have to move this button to the other side of the keyboard when we break away from Europe?


Oh yes, all this business about the use of the word Gammon as an insult is puzzling.

Harry Flashman and Bertie Wooster had a completely different take on the word that confuses the issue further.

Once again, what times we live in,

I'm with Flashie, Bertie and The Butcher regarding the word. I don't mind a bit of gammon. A Berni Inn special with a ring of pineapple, Serrano Ham, Proscuitto, Speck and heck even the occasional piece of obfuscation and jolly scheming in order to keep social events bouncing along.

Well I think we covered all bases there, so troll away please if you feel so inclined. I'll be over here with a swelling number of people waiting to step forward rubbing hands together to state "If you lot over there have quite finished and you lot over there have quite finished" We'll try and restore some normal service now that the fever has passed. As stated previously, troll away, troll away, troll away.

In other news we have just secured the services of another black labrador. As yet unamed and currently five weeks old he is not from the same line as Otis or Zebo but his parents are of a similar build. Discussions are underway over a name with the following list discounted already

Blondie - after 80's pop group Blondie
Hazel - after 80's TV detective Hazel played by Trevor Eve
Trevor Eve - Star of 80's detective series the title of which I forget.
Howard Moon - The Mighty Boosh
Dixon Bainbridge - The Mighty Boosh
Stephen Toast - Voiceover work and occasional actor

And finally,

I've been called to the bar. A wig, cape and some of those Persian slippers that curl up at the end have been purchased as the internet reliably informs me that this is what Judges wear although their shoes are rarely seen. A sedan chair (see left) will arrive each morning to carry me to court.

Jury service is imminent. Rachel was called up a few years ago and is the font of all knowledge regarding the market for crack cocaine among local town society.

Kinder Update:

Child A - Maisie, engaged with the forces of DIY while renovating a smashing two up two down terrace in Kingsclere, it even has three yards of chalk stream at the bottom of the garden.

Child B - William, engaged with the forces of a small camper van driving around New Zealand with two mates occasionally bothering trout. With the wind in the right direction we occasionally pick up their scent across the ten thousand mile divide.